Further news from Mars

In his second week on the red planet, our space traveller, Henry Burden, reports on an interesting find.

26th February 2021

Eighth day on Mars…

I’d have updated sooner, but NASA keeps sending ‘instructions’… I appear to have secured some lucrative ‘deals’ with Apple, AT&T! I’ll get my compensation when I get back to Earth….?

There seemed to be some misunderstanding, mostly on my part, concerning MY concern about the effects of mushroom soup that has been transported across the universe to Mars..

I’m now able to share that the soup was Campbells Mushroom soup, and their scientists have conducted tests, and determined that their delicious mushroom soup remains stable in both zero gravity and a somewhat vacuumous state.

In conferring with NASA, they came to the conclusion that any strange thoughts or observations were caused by Hypoxia – i.e. lack of oxygen. Campbells and I came to a mutually amicable financial agreement that when Elon gets me back home on earth, I’ll be handsomely rewarded…

Now, back to my first eight days:

First and foremost, have not hissed off NASA, so my beer supply remains intact (though I’ve figured out how to circumnavigate the system.)

I guess I’ll do this in list form. Shorter descriptions/observations, and reduces transmission times.

Day three: The ‘Mars Rats’ are quite friendly. Though I understand that they may have some issues with a gathering of rats to the left of where the Rover is. The good thing is that there is another gathering to the right of here.

Days four and five:

One HELL of a dust storm. Spent most of my time under my Gillie blanket… close to the beer spigot… 😎🍻!

Day six: Dust storm abated. I wandered about half a mile from Rover. Beyond a ‘hillock’ I found a kind of latticed sphere, half exposed. What the heck??

Started clearing away the ‘sand’, and exposed somewhat of a stalk below the sphere, about four feet in diameter.

Had a brief dust storm, and the winds exposed more of the ‘stalk’ (think of a water tower..). To my amazement there were two letters, slightly abraded, but I could clearly make out the letters ‘NT’.

I dug down a little, and even my rat buddies helped.. 🐀 🐀!!

After a couple of feet of digging I/we found three copper … contacts(?), and a single copper contact. Dumb ass I am, I touched them. Shocked the hell out of me, and the rats hauled ass.. needless to say, I won’t need to shave for a few days… Got some 110 volt lightbulbs from the Rover. After a couple of tests, I appear to have power sources of 480v, 240v, and 110v. (480v being the reason for loss of pretty much any hair on my body…). The 110v source does not explode the lightbulbs, so I can recharge my phone!!!

Me, or grammatically speaking, the rats and I exposed more and more of the ‘stalk’.

We are about to shut things down, another freaking dust storm. Communications between here and earth are becoming more sporadic. The last thing we exposed was some kind of plaque, which read:

US patent Publication number: US1119732 A..

I’m losing all signals. I can’t research. Can anyone on earth help me figure out that the … ‘heck’ I’m looking at?


All material used by permission of Henry Burden